It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
