Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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