i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
