this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
