I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
