I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
