Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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