im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
