you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
