No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You took a bar mat shot.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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