But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just gargled with NyQuil
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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