woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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