I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
