marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
only you would photoshop your dick
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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