the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
