I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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