Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
