just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
