Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
