We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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