So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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