My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
