i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
