I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
