pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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