This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
