Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
