Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is Oprah even human
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
