I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
