He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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