I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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