Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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