Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
