Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
