How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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