Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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