Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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