She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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