1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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