Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
