dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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