I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
