dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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