As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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