I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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