i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
