i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize