Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
