The best revenge is premature balding
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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