I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.