She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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