I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
