I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize