a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
