I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize