ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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