I'm jealous of your bromance
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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