I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
