I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
