marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
